Getting a Haircut

After more than a month of not having cut my hair I finally decided to seek out a hair cut place. I really didn’t want to spend a lot or spend my time in a salon with a bunch of yapping women. And, it gets hot here in Guate and my hair just gets thick so I just wanted a simple cut. No shampoo, no gel, no spray, nada.
I left my apartment and stepped out into blinding sunshine that after a week of misting rain and fog it was great to sweat again. I asked the ladies in my house where I could get a haircut and as soon as I did I regretted my decision and I should have known better, really.

I walked down the boulevard near my apartment and down toward the ladies had suggested I go. I walked for a bit and finally, inevitably came upon a large, hairspray-filled salon. I walked past it. I couldn’t do it. They were all watching novelas and laughing really loud. So I walked down to the old shopping center and looked around for a place to get a haircut. More salons. Great. Bummed out and disappointed about not finding a cheap haircut I walked back to the salon on the boulevard. Reluctantly, I passed the threshold. I asked a girl in a white coat with a bottle of spray in one hand and what looked like a wad of aluminum foil in the other what the wait was. Fifteen minutes, she said. The bulletin board said a haircut was Q175! Around 24 bucks. I sneaked outside and ran back to the shopping center convinced I missed something.

I wandered around slowly and out of the corner of my eye I saw a simple sign over a store that said simply barberia. The door was open slightly but from my angle all I could see were children’s booster seats and toys. I walked a few more steps and on the other side of the store were three men getting their haircut by three other guys. And they were watching futbol! And they had car magazines! And it was only Q40!

In about five minutes one of the short barbers nodded at me to have a seat. I sat down in the chair and he spun it around so I could watch the game. I loved this place already. He asked what I wanted. I said, shorter. He went about cutting my hair quickly, efficiently and comfortably. I never felt a rip, tug or pull. He was a pro.

Then, from behind my head somewhere I heard the familiar sound of paper ripping and a package being opened and right in front of my face, the barber asked if this particular razor blade was ok. Yeah, I told him, don’t know what you’re going to do with it because I didn’t ask for a shave. I went back to watching the game. From behind me I heard the scraping ping of a sharpening belt and the barber whipped out a massive straight razor and proceeded to trim all around the edges of my hair. Now, I have never had the, lets say, experience of being trimmed with a straight razor, so I feigned courage. And he was flying. Fzzing, zziing, shhzzzing. In a matter of seconds he was done and I, had nearly pissed myself.

After that was over he pulled out the mirror and showed me the back of my head. Something I always found embarrassing, almost as if he was saying, “Your head resembles a melon from back here.” I said it looked fine. But, he’s the pro. Shouldn’t he know what’s going on back there? He put the mirror away and fired up something with such ferocity and noise that I thought he started up a diesel generator. I looked down and he had fired up a shop-vac. A shop-vac! And he proceeded to suction my head into the nozzle. I felt all the skin on my head being folded in to the hose. The folds in my neck were suctioned in the vacuum and it felt surprisingly good. Better than a shampoo scrub, I’ll say. Before I knew it, it was all over. I paid my 40 Quetzales, thanked the guy and walked back home. Still walking fast past the salon.

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Dangerous Roads in Guatemala

This is the “new” bypass around the San Cristobal Verapaz landslide of January 2009. It had been raining for three days when we started down this “highway.” Unfortunately, the road had been washed out at the landslide and was impassable. This is just a taste of the beauty and ruggedness of the country.

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Things I’ve Learned So Far

From things I have seen, couldn’t believe and things I have heard.

1. Guatemalans love to honk. They honk at dogs, people, cattle, kids with kites, kids without kites, cyclists, chickens, and basically anything they might run over.

2. Chicken buses like to race each other. Mainly to beat the other guy to a stop and load up on passengers (more mullah).

3. I have yet to actually see a chicken on a chicken bus.

4. If you don’t like picante, you are an outcast.

5. Drivers prefer hand signals over turn signals.

6. A road may exist on a map but, not in reality. That “highway” under construction on the map is really a dirt goat trail going up the mountain. People still use it. Goats, too.

7. Hot water is a luxury and when there’s a widowmaker it’s a great night. A widowmaker is a plastic shower head with electrical heater built in. Yeah, we don’t know what they were thinking either.

8. Hueco does not mean hollow.

9. Guatemalans use lots of speed bumps. They hate them, yet they build more and more in every. Damn. Town.

10. You are either Real Madrid or Barcelona. There is no middle ground. I see their point. In Chapel Hill you are either Carolina or Duke. There is no middle ground–like State, for instance.

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More Lago Atitlan

On Wednesday I got scheduled to go a few hours outside of town to the small lakeside village of Santa Clara La Laguna and help set up a clinic there. I woke up early from the hotel Barcelo which was just luxury accommodations with strong water pressure and working plumbing, something I now appreciate. I headed out to the lake in one of the Hilux’s in the fleet with Johanna who heads the community development program. It was a pretty easy ride. We drove through very tight mountain highways and through dusty, bustling and industrial towns. One town, Chimaltenango (Chimal. Ha, bet you saw that one coming!) sold almost nothing but trucks. Pickup trucks. Guatemalans, or Chapines as they call themselves, would bring them back from the States and sell them here. Lots of Patrols and LandCruisers. We dodged swerving chicken buses. They are old school buses from the States painted in extravagant colors and lettering stating where they were coming from and headed to. Bus assistants rode on top where the giant roof racks were and moved around crates of fruit, luggage and of course, chickens at 80 mph standing straight up. And these buses stop for no one. I mean, if one is not quick enough to board at the rolling stop, he keeps on going. I even saw an old man dragged as his son held on tightly before he lost him and he hit the pavement hard and rolled. After a few hours we arrived at Santa Clara La Laguna. There, we set up a clinic to receive patients. It was minimalistic. An observation table. A desk. A scale. A few bandages. But, it workDSCF0188ed. The building was in the process of being renovated and repainted and looked infinitely better than it was. The paint was crumbling on the outside. The ground was now concrete where it had been dirt. And natural light where there had been a ceiling. I was helping set up the clinic with a young doctor from Guatemala named Daniel and he was very excited about the new clinic, as simple as it was. The next day he would be receiving his first patients. After the clinic was set up, Daniel and I decided to look for a hotel on the lake itself down in the town of San Juan La Laguna or San Pedro La Laguna, a town known for its hippie and gringo population. The lake was absolutely immense and grand and perfectly quiet, complemented by the three enormous volcanoes that rose up to meet the lake on its flanks. Thick clouds appeared to be brushed into the sky with quick strokes of pink and orange. The road to the lake was winding and long but worth it. These volcanoes rise about 10000 feet and disappear into the sky. We drove around and poked into a few hotels but, none had a view and they were very small rooms. We had a list of three hotels and the last one, Chi-ya, no one we asked had ever heard of it. We drove around the town looking for the hotel and asked for directions but, every one we asked pointed in a different direction. About ten minutes later we happened upon a small sign hidden in the trees on the side of the road that said Hotel Chi-Ya. Th entrance was a steep cobblestone driveway that led down the side of the mountain. The driveway ended in a wreck of stones, dirt and tools and sitting on a large stone chiseling the rocks was a middle-aged gringo pounding away. He didn’t even look up. We greeted him and asked if he had any rooms available we could see. He said he did and showed us down some old stone steps that disappeared into the foliage down the mountain. The steps opened up to a huge teak-built cabin with a panoramic view of the purple afternoon sky and towering volcanoes. We could not believe our find. And for only 175 a night! Then, we thought we would ask if he meant USD or Q. He said Q. We celebrated some more. Then we sat out on the deck and enjoyed the cool evening and the quiet. The next day Daniel and I went to the clinic and he saw and did general consults on patients. There were almost exclusively women coming to the consultations. The men, most likely, were off working and had little time to venture to a clinic. The men we did see were all ready pretty sick and bedridden. I left around midday to head back to Guate with Johanna and the ride back was less than uneventful. We were both tired and ready to get back to Guate and get some rest.

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The Campo and Lago Atitlan

My second day in Guate (every name here is shortened. Huehuetenango becomes Huehue. Quetzaltenango becomes Xela–Shelah, for you gringos) began very early in the morning so that I could go out into the campo and explore the corn program that Helps has implemented. The corn program manager is a very intelligent man, about 25, named Jose Luis and he picked me up at the hotel in one of the Hilux’s the organization maintains. Jose Luis and I drove off to Sumpango to see some corn and talk to some villagers that were in the program.
Sumpango was about 45 minutes from Guate and was an adventure in itself to get to. Lane lines might as well not exist. Warning signs of construction were nonexistent. Old buses belched black diesel exhaust. People ran through traffic. Motorcycles doeged trucks. I mean, even people from Mexico City won’t drive here. But, the landscape was stunning. Lush mountains woven with cornfields rose starkly in every direction and skies brushed with thick white-blue clouds hung in the bosoms of hills.
Sumpango was as I expected. Cobblestone streets. Markets and stores selling everything from chickens, sand and tools to the Indians selling woven dresses, fruits that I never heard of and little kids staring with curious eyes making kites.
We drove through town and turned down a dirt track. Had we not been in the Hilux we’d have been screwed. A few kilometers down we met up with the technical director for the corn program who meets directly with the local growers. We met a farmer who was kind enough to show us his plot that had been fertilized through the program. His corn was tall and full and ready to be harvested. We tried some kernels. Talked about fertilizer. While we were walking I noticed that the corn was planted in bunches of two or three or even five. So five plants sprouted from one hole. Perplexed, I asked about this. Apparently this was the way, all over Guatemala, that planting had been done for centuries. In the way of thinking of the Indians and locals, to compensate for the possible loss of corn plants, they planted several to account for the losses. However, with the fertilizer and advances over the years, this was unneccessary and depleted the corn of nutrients because of such concetrated competition. It is also very difficult to make them understand the concepts of competition, fertilizer and nutrients. Alas, this is the aim of the program, to educate and implement.
We inspected a few more plots with a different farmer who also grew blackberries. Blackberries off the vine are amazingly sweet and full. We were gifted with an entire crate as well as some corn as thanks for helping with their crop. Jokingly we said we did not want to take half their harvest and the wife of the farmer responded with something I will never forget and epitomizes the enormity of their humility and heart. She said, “Mas que regalamos, mas nos regala el Senor.” The more we give, the more the Lord gives us. I could not believe it. This family, so grateful for their harvest, gave what they could, though they had very little. This was very far from any way of thinking I ever saw in the States.

After we met with the farmers I had to be in Antigua for a banquet for the medical team that had just finished their week-long mission. Antigua is a simple, colorful and Colonial town filled with ancient churches, fountains, hidden courtyards, and handicrafts. As the old capital of Guate it is a natural destination for tourists and feels a lot like Tlaquepaque in Mexico. The banquet was held inside a very old church built in the 1700′s. The banquet was candle-lit and the experience very moving as the team recounted their trip. I looked forward to learning more.

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Why getting a job isn’t everything.

If you graduated from college in the spring, like me,  you will undoubtedly face the endless questions about your plans. Or lack thereof. Or if you’re like me you throw a dart at the map and look up jobs there, because let’s face it, the job market there (Guyana?!) has got to be better than here. Most people who ask have no follow up to “I’m unemployed.” They nod. You shrug.

For the past three months I have searched all over the place for a job. I would kill for a job in international affairs, but it took me three months to realize it. I looked for writing jobs in Raleigh, DC, Miami and nothing really turned up. I looked at everything. Journalism jobs, technical writing (blegh), writing for law firms, etc. Then I said to hell with everybody and applied to the Peace Corps. I figured if no one was hiring in the States I might as well do something useful in another country for people who really need it.

After I applied, which took a week, I scheduled an interview in DC. The trip up was great. We went past the bland exterior of the Pentagon and then bam–DC! We stayed at my friend Sharon’s townhouse in Columbia Heights. She loved the place. I joked that DC, aside from the murder rate, was pretty safe. She laughed and told me that most the shootings and violence that happened around her neighborhood was “targeted.” I felt safer o_O.

The interview itself was straightforward with the recruiter reading directly off of the computer and writing my responses down as I spoke. Then he told me that nothing was available for at least a year. He went ahead and nominated me anyway and I left to find something to do for a year.

I told you that story so I could tell you this one.

When, or even if, you graduate, most likely you will be loaded with student loans and debt to repay. If you are lucky enough to be one of the few these days, statistically speaking, to graduate in a robust career field, i.e. computer science, engineering, mathematics, chances are that you will be just fine making $90k out of school and I will always hate you. Should you have been like me and graduated in the humanities, because we hate math, you are much more experienced in a well-rounded, critical-thinking frame of mind. How can you market that? I was lucky enough to be briefly part of the Peel Literary magazine at ASU and get published. Turns out though, you need real world experience. Nothing new. How could I turn working at a summer camp into a persuasive argument for my resume? Take what you did, broadly and expand on it. Did you organize everything? Deal with parents? Logistics? Coordinating? Budgeting?

Lets get back to the big picture. I wanted to make money to pay off what I owed, but hell if I was going to do that sitting in an office doing data entry. Databases? Not for me. Copies? No thanks. As part of a job, ok. I didn’t want that to be my job, though. My grandpa told me to do what you love. Do what you love. Do. What. You. Love. If you’re love is floating down a lost tributary in the Amazon writing about lost adventurers, do that! If you love hiking and being outdoors, you can do that for a job! There are plenty of places where troubled teens are sent to better themselves through the great outdoors. Guess who leads them? You can! If you love painting, do it! Find a job working a local gallery. What I’m saying is, do what you love and the money will come. The happiness from doing something you actually like, I believe is worth it alone. You can always file for economic hardship on your loans. Don’t be afraid. There is nothing, nothing wrong with helping yourself out in anyway you can. It sounds so tired and old, but really go for it. It will break in your favor. I just talked to the director of an NPO that works to help the poor, in Guatemala. Now, where the hell did my machete go?

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The West End and The Texas Special

This is an oral history by my grandfather Lloyd Winburn.

My grand kids are after me to tell them something of “the old days.”  They see me as an aging mound of flesh that is a living history book. I do tell them some things and help them to understand the Great Depression, Prohibition and the entertainment of my youth. The later was radio, outside games, chores and school.

I went to Golden Rule School and that is a story! Maybe I will get to that. There were many kids I remember today: Dale Stillwell, Cecil Smith, Jr Bell, the Haskins, Jesse Leo Simpson (a perfect to cast as Li’l Abner) Louise Gregg, Hazel Nagel (or Nagle) , Jim Hickey, Garland Fitzgerald, among others.  Our life, our games, our families make good memories.

In high school I was frustrated by all the hormonal rumblings in my body and I lusted no end. I was very distracted. My name was published in the Denison Herald along with others who carried a 4.0 or something classified as an exceptionally high average in their studies. It was easy. I loved Spanish and took Spanish and was good at it.  Ms. Edith Austin who lived down on Myrick Avenue was a great Spanish teacher. She also taught Junior Business Administration and that was good for me. I loved geometry and had a swelled head because the teacher, who was a coach and seldom in the class, had me lead the practice of the rote of the axioms. Algebra? No!

As I approached my 18th birthday, the war was raging in the Pacific and with the Nazis in retreat in Europe, I decided to go into the Navy. That, I thought would let me enjoy some adventure and settle my hormones a bit.

I went off to Dallas on the Texas Electric Railroad (something else to write about).  Reporting in at the recruiting station, I was interviewed, preliminarily examined for mental and physical fitness and sent off to get my parents consent.  With three sons already in the military, it was not that easy to get my Dad to sign. He did sign… in total silence and with a shrug.  My Mom signed with tears.

Returning to Dallas, I was put through a ringer of many medical tests along with countless others as we paraded around in our birthday suits.

We were sworn in at a colorless ceremony on my 18th birthday. Like that, I was in the Navy.

We all carried little by way of personal belongings and were sent off to the railroad yards where we took a seat in chair cars that had a coat of drab paint on them inside and out. There was no air conditioning and the windows were open even in the cold of late January. We stayed in the train for a day while recruits from back east, NY, Tenn, KY, NC, WV, NJ joined us. Finally, in the middle of the night with car bulging with men, we took off. We knew not where but soon were to find out by deduction that we were on our way to California, (BOOT CAMP).

I digress.

These ramblings are an effort to get some things down for you to add to, correct or enjoy.  Life was good even with our deep poverty.  God has a way of helping the poor enjoy life without all the fluff that accompanies wealth. We laughed and worked; we went to bed early and got up early.  Never in my life can I remember staying bed past 10 a.m.; certainly, I never was in bed at noon.

Today, among other things, I want to write about a branch of the family I do not want to forget.

Aunt Lee was my mother’s sister. She and my uncle Robert (Bob) Winegar lived in the West End at Denison, Texas.  The West End is a part of Denison sitting on Highway 91 that ran off out of Denison to the West and North up into Oklahoma. The highway was cut off when the Eisenhower Dam was built and Lake Texoma was created. The West End community was centered on a major street where it crossed the MK&T railroad track.

My Uncle Bob worked at the Missouri Kansas & Texas (Katy) Railroad creosote plant whose presence was made evident by the strong, ever- present odor of hot creosote. At the plant, the Katy Railroad Company treated cross ties and telegraph poles.  He made good money for the day and had a steady job, a prize in those days of the early 1930s

The West End has a history, part of which I remember because of tragedy that occurred there.  On a hot summer day, a truck tanker filled with LNG (or LPG, Butane?) met its fate with a freight train.  The sparks from the coal-burning engine ignited the escaping gas which hugged the ground and crept all over the place for blocks.  The flames of the burning gas, a horrendous hot flash, burned the paint off the houses blocks away. About a dozen people died when they were burned when the gas they breathed scorched their lungs.  A few structures suffered total destruction.  I have remembered the incident for many years now as I  took to heart the lesson: Do not run to the scene of an accident or commotion heedlessly.  I am reminded of this when I read how the combatants in the Middle East set off explosions. Invariably, they set off two, the second timed to catch the people who come in to help or to gawk.

Uncle Bob had a green thumb which was made evident by his great orchard and vineyard. They must have had about 5 acres with grapes plums, apples, prunes, peaches and apricots.  They were the target of the kids playing and feasting in the orchards. The vines were loaded with the tasty grapes that hang in great clusters. We could sit in the aisles between the rows and fill our stomachs with the purple juice ultimately covering our face and clothes.

Their house had a great porch with a swing where one could sit in the heat of the afternoon to enjoy the shade and quiet.

Aunt Lee was, like my grandmother Glass, a large woman, not fat but of Germanic girth… stately. Her hair was gray and she wore it up in a bun in the back as many women of the time were apt to do.  Aunt Lee cooked. Her biscuits and gravy; pork from their own production was tasty beyond belief. There were always potatoes and beans on her table.  They, as we did at home, had a couple of cows that fed on tall Johnson grass and other grasses around, some hay and a mixture of grains.  The milk and butter were heavenly.  Pies were sweet and always chuck lumpy full of fruit off the trees.

They had six kids: Robert, who was a Jewel-T salesman; he was a tall handsome specimen and very industrious and busy. Vernon was the oldest. All I remember about him is that he wore overalls and worked.  I think he worked on the railroad, but cannot remember the details.  Then there was Frank, a good looking teen who was always busy. I seem to remember that there was a daughter, younger or older than Vernon.  Their youngest was a daughter, Sara Jane, who was about the age of my sister, Willie Lee. Did, we called my sister, was just a year or so older than i.  I remember Sara Jan was pursued by several boys and there was a great deal of giggling.

Then there was Wiggles. I never knew him by any other name. He was large when he was born and was so big as a sub-teen they had to make his clothes for him. He wiggled.  He took a lot of gaff about his size, but I think he grew up to excel in something. At least, that is how I remember it.

Except for the fruit, the swing, the food and some games with their kids, visiting was not much fun. Uncle Bob was distant and I felt he resented his “poor relatives,” and that was what I was.

My dad was a blacksmith. We suffered a lot of economic deprivation during the Great Depression and my Dad did not work for the railroad or the cotton mill. He refused to take any of that “Roosevelt” hand out of lard, flour and other surplus food stuff they were passing around at Relief Centers. He was good with fruit trees, gardens and raising pigs, cows and chickens… Thank God.

We lived in the Cotton Mill district just south of Denison.  The place was distinguished by a tall and massive cotton spinning mill. There were many company houses around, a couple of grocery stores that extended credit to mill workers who were paid twice a month.  Everyone knew everyone else and my Dad was one of the few in the area who did not work at the mill.

My mother was always busy with the Golden Rule PTA. At least three years she was president and gave of her time when God alone knew where she got the energy.

We had a water well that was 60 feet deep and we drew the water up with a chain that had a 1 ½ gallon bucket (An old Oaken Bucket. There has been a song written about it.) The bucket with water had to weigh near 40 pounds. The chain was heavy and the pulley was about 18 inches in diameter. It was a chore to draw the water. That was one of my duties. The water was refreshing in the summer but in the winter when the chain stuck to our hands from the frost, the task was daunting.  With two or three cows and the other animals, there had to be a 50 gallon barrel of water filled every day… twice.

When I was not doing that, I took the cows out to graze on the grass along the Frisco railroad tracks or along the country roads that were nearby our place. (The Saint Louis and San Francisco Railway Company “FRISCO” shared tracks with the Texas & Pacific line about a mile from where we lived. They ran a “Streamliner” passenger train about three days a week and we kids would all get to the track to see the big sleek engine.  What a thrill!)  Along the Frisco, the firemen would throw coal out along the way where poor people living beside the track could have fuel for their cook stoves.

There is so much detail of life in my youth that it is hard to start one thing and finish with it. All the other things seem to rush in as the details of one item are put on paper.

While the cows grazed, we played on the step embankment or picked wild berries that grew there. We listened to the wind humming in the telegraph wires and thought at times we could hear the voices of people. The wires carried the massive amount of Western Union Telegraph.

I came to know a lot of this system when in High School I took a job as a messenger as the WD office of Western Union down at the Denison, Texas, depot.  Wires stretching from St Louis down through the WD office and on to Houston, NY…. everyplace… carried the code in to be “relayed” in a complex system of connections.  The WD office had about 20 operators handling messages all along the route and was a relay office.   The room operated 24 hours a day, every day.

The room resounded with the clicking of the Morse Code messages coming in and going out. Operators sat at little desks with their ears up against the box covering there telegraph sets. (Some were deaf and got the vibrations.)  They had before them the old type Underwood typewriter that added to the cacophony of the clicking in the room. You can imagine.

Besides delivering the messages that came for the operations offices at the depot, I carried copies to the round house, the shops and the dinning room, ice service and others who were involved with supplying the trains and handling the schedules.

I would have to put together thin onion-skin paper and layers of carbon paper for the operators to use. They were usually ½ sheets of 8 ½ x 11 inch paper. The operators, without looking or missing a click could reach out and pick up the exact number of sheets they needed. They were fast in feeding it into their typewriters and to keep listening and sending. (Many operators were deaf and caught the vibrations with their bodies and never missed a word.)

Being around the depot was an experience. I loved the trains. The Texas Special was the premier passenger train of the Katy line. It ran from San Antonio, up though Dallas and through  Denison to St Louis. Denison was  a major hub for the line. At Denison the line branched out to Wichita Falls and points west.  When passenger trains were “made up” in Denison, there was a practice of turning the cars around.  Which means, a switch engine would take the cars down the main line to the edge of the yard, then back into the bypass that led into lines to the West End and out to Wichita Falls.  I would take that little ride all alone in the passenger cars. My mind played games. The Smell, the cleanliness, the quietness and the clickety-clack of the sound of the metal wheels on the rails was beautiful.

Once I got a pass that was available to all employees on a limited basis and went down to Dallas. That was a treat. I went into the dining car with its tables at windows with a view of the country side all draped in white linen. The utensils were silver (or seemed to be) and china dishes.  The meal was scrumptious. It was prepared by handsome slight black men who were efficient, courteous and helpful.  They prepared the meals in a narrow hot section over open coal fires.  It was fascinating and magical.  I was about 15 years old and felt the bubble in my bones that were to haunt me for my whole life: to travel; to go places, to see people and thing, places and customs was my deep desire.

In High School I was already taking Spanish; and reading everything I could about Mexico, the people, the culture and the music.  Wonder Lust is a disease just like shingles: it hangs around in your system until there is occasion, then breaks out.  My direction finder was set; I was on my way.

C.C. Baker was a senior railroad engineer. He was big in the Union and high upon the seniority list of those who could chose their job.  He chose to be The Engineer of the Texas Special on the leg from Denison to Muskogee, Oklahoma.  He was the equivalent of the Captain of the Queen Mary.  He was driven to work in his spanking new Chevrolet (he got a new one every year.)  That was big time then. The price was somewhere between $999 and $1,200! (That may be a more like $600 to $700). He had a chauffeur who drove him to the depot along with his wife, Mrs. Baker.

At the depot he got out of his car, bid his wife goodbye and strolled, majestically carrying his little black bag for his overnight stay in Muskogee.  He was dressed in starched and ironed blue striped overalls, a blue bandanna around his neck, a large red handkerchief showing out of one of his back pockets. It was not decoration. He wore it as if it were, but it was for men who sweat on the job. He never used it.  He wore a matching (almost) railroaders cap that was freshly starched and ironed.  Everything spick and span. His black work shoes were polished bright and shinny.  He had a pair of gloves in the other hand, those railroad gloves with cuffs that flared out and covered the cuffs of the starched solid blue shirt he wore.

He walked up to the dispatcher’s office to get his “orders.” This was a one or two-sheet set of  papers that told him the condition of the track, where the rail, bridge or crossing repair jobs or construction were, where he could expect another passenger train or freight train on a siding waiting for that sleek Texas Special to whistle shrilly and whiz by: The hour and the minute.

Every thing was precise.  He would fold the papers and put then in the pocket over his heart, bow slightly to the clerk and go out to await the train’s arrival. He knew just exactly when it would stop and where the engine would stop in front of the platform. It was precision, dictated by the number of cars the engine pulled.

The train was made up of the engine, the coal tender that carried the fuel, the baggage care, a freight car (the Railway Express Car) and a number of seating cars.  This was followed by a dining car and a number of Pullman cars where people had luxurious seats that made up into sleeping facilities at night.

Each engine had a Fireman, the man who saw that the fire was kept going, the water was fed into the system as needed, the pressures were kept up and was all round flunky for the Engineer. He was co-pilot in today’s parlance.

Way off in the distance, as the incoming Texas Special from the north approached the bridge at the Red River, one could hear the whistle and everything began to move. It would be only moments until the train pulled in.  Tonight, Mr. Baker was taking the Texas Special South. That was his prerogative with the seniority he had.

The Fireman was standing just about the place where the engine would stop and the steps up into the engine would be before him.  The train arrived, the engine stopped and Mr. Baker stepped forward.  He little more than nodded to the engineer who brought the train in, leaving it to his fireman to brief the on-coming crew on the engine, the crew and other details.

The Fireman handed Mr. Baker an oil can, a can of about 1 quart with a long thin spout with a downward crook at the end. Taking the can, Mr. Baker, with his gloves on now, took the can and a wad of “waste” which was a wad of twine that was used to wipe grease off things, and slowly, deliberately, walked along the side of the engine. Later on I would compare the scene to the captain of an airliner checking his plane out. At the box of each axle, Mr. Baker pulled up the lid and made sure there was no fire. At times he would squirt oil into the box, but not tonight.  Everything was in good shape.

The fireman was in the cabin stoking the fire and came down to allow the Engineer to enter.  Without looking left or right, the Engineer climbed into the cabin and took his seat him up near the window. He reached up and felt the throttle, then the air brake handle, put his elbow up on the window sill, stuck his head out a little and took in the view the train of cars behind him, then forward to see that the way was clear.

He reached up deliberately and pulled the cord to the whistle, a steam whistle that in two short sounds notified everyone that the Engineer and the engine were ready.

Down by the dining car, the conductor, who had been greeting passengers looked up, took his watch out of its special place in a vest with a chain across his chest, looked at it, looked up and put the watch away.  (Railroad watches were a premium, all on time, the same time, and coveted by the owner.) He was ready and his train was ready.  He picked up the stool at the bottom of the steps and handed it to a porter up in the vestibule of the passenger car.  Then, in a loud distinct voice he shouted A—–BOARD!.  One foot went upon the bottom step. He grasped the guide rail that ran up to the vestibule and waved to the Engineer. The signal was followed by long blasts of the engine’s whistle and the engineer pulled back the throttle.

The throttle opened the steam valves to allow the pressure to move the engine… the train. The power was brute, the sounds were magnificent, the very sense of power. At times the wheels would spin a short time before taking perch and beginning to move forward.  An engineer did not like the spinning. In general it indicated that the engineer opened the throttle to far too fast or not fast enough, or whatever.  Tonight, there was no spinning. Mr. Baker was in his form: perfect.

I would stand there feeling the ground move below my feet. The vibrations emitted from the power package I was witnessing made  my skin crawl!  Oh, the beauty of it all.

What we have lost!  Technology has killed the joy.  How I wish that we should all see that just one more time.

Lloyd Winburn

DOB January 20, 1927

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Monkey River – An attempt at suspense.

Passing by the cemetery beside the road I saw dislodged coffins from the rising floods and saw them resting, heaped upon each other, like palm fronds strewn across the jungle floor. And when I passed, there were many Creoles standing in the ankle deep water leaning on their shovels wondering what to do. At least we buried Mary back in the States, I thought. Buried her figuratively anyway. Wouldn’t want her figuratively floating away down here. I had only left this tiny Central American country to report the news to the in-laws. I had returned to tie up loose ends with her disappearance. Nothing was found, I told them, and the local police, not a trace. She had vanished in the river somewhere. So I told them.

She sat with her back to the brooding jungle looking out over the silent river. I could only see her face in weak flashes of flame that came and went.

We ventured deep into the recesses of the jungle. It was the week of our honeymoon and we hiked from our lodge in the jungle to banks of the Monkey River. They warned us about hiking into the jungle there on the banks of the river. The howls, they said, would stalk us as we crept deeper toward the river. Silent eyes would watch us stealthily from the treetops. Probing fingers in the night would jolt us. Fur would rub against our naked backs in the darkness and make us shiver. We would have a frightfully wonderful time they warned us.

The canopy was thick and no light shone. Though we hiked in daylight the jungle floor was moist, dark and alive. The trail was narrow and all the odd green plants with probing tendrils reached for our legs. Beyond the trail and into the jungle I could see large drops of water hit giant elephant ear palms dip and sway awkwardly. Every then and again a giant splash would hit a giant frond and dip suddenly next to me and make me leap. Though some times, deeper in the darkness, it seemed like the fronds dipped like creatures hunching over in the thickets, dodging our gaze.

“I can’t believe you grew up here. I don’t know how you stood the heat, all these damned plants and the eeriness,” Mary said after a while.

“You learn to live with it,” I said, staring cautiously into the thickets around us.

“I just don’t see how. The darkness out here frightens me. And it’s the middle of the day. I can hear all sorts of buzzes, clicks and hoots but I can’t see what makes the sounds,” she said.

“You don’t want to know,” I said, “it’s best not to know.”

“Don’t try and scare me like that. You know how I am.”

“It’s the truth,” I said, “most things out here will kill you if they get the chance. The sooner we get to Monkey River, the better.”

“Do you think what they said back at the lodge is true?”

“No, not at all, dear. They were just trying to scare us, like all the other tourists.”

“But how do you know? You said yourself there are things out here that can kill us,” she said.

“I’m sure,” I said after a while.

By the time we reached the shore of the Monkey River the sky was a hue of dark blue so that I could only see blackened outline of Mary’s face against it. The river was silent at the bend where we sat in the cool earth. In the fading light I put to setting up our tent. Even in the fading light my fingers familiarly found the clips and rods and zippers. I lit a small fire with what dry tinder I could find and the light scarcely lit our faces as it fought the darkness.

“Listen to those howls,” Mary said.

“Howler monkeys,” I said, “probably why they call it Monkey River.” She sat with her back to the brooding jungle looking out over the silent river. I could only see her face in weak flashes of flame that came and went.

“Isn’t it frightening to think of the things we are sharing the jungle with tonight? The animals, slithering things…insects,” she said at length.

“They don’t come near the fire,” I said. I put a pot of water next to the fire to boil for  dinner as I waited for the fire to build up.

“They stopped howling. Oh, can’t you hear how quiet it is?” Mary said.

I drew my head up instantly from what I was doing and listened intently. There was no noise, it was silent, nothing moved, not even the breeze. I moved my hand slowly to my face and scratched my beard. I could see Mary’s face come and go in the darkness as the fire flashed upon her face. I could see her eyes peering about. The stare one has looking into the darkness waiting for a sound. In an orange flash I could see a shadow next to her face and in the next moment it disappeared. The fire leapt to her face again and over her mouth was a long, hairy hand with dark, slender nails protruding from the darkness. The flame left her face again and in an instant I heard a scream and a terrible crashing through the jungle. I leapt to my feet and knocked over the pot full of water into the fire and it was all dark. I could hear thickets crashing, snapping and Mary’s high pitched cries. I bolted after the cries and lunged at them and my hands found her legs. I held on tightly as we both crashed through the darkness, over rotten trunks and heavy leaves. Mary screamed wildly and thrashed her feet as hard as she could. I couldn’t hold on. I let her go and could hear the crashing and the screams vanish into the darkness growing ever quieter. The screams died out in the thickness of the night. As I lay in the mud the jungle became silent once again and nothing moved.

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Bacalar

–. This story was originally published in The Peel Literary Magazine at Appalachian State University and won second place in the Marion-Coe Scholarship writing contest.

It was hot and the thin linen sheets stuck to the curve of Brent’s ass. The ceiling fan weakly stirred the air with. Any faster, and it would wobble and creak with every turn. That wouldn’t let Brent sleep. So he turned it low, low as it could go, before he tried to fall asleep. Laura asked him to turn it on full blast. He told her to listen to all that squeaking. She rolled on to her side away from him. Brent didn’t feel like trying to say anything. To what end? He got what he wanted. But he felt she was hiding something from him.

But it was quiet so he listened the calming rustle of the palm leaves outside in the moonlight. The hotel room window was thrown open. He listened for a while. He turned on to his back and let the breeze brush the sweat off his chest. He didn’t want anything to bother him. This was Bacalar. A vacation from the vacation. A small town just a few kilometers inland from Cancún. A town with dusty streets. A town with the lingering smell of perpetually cooking fish and wet sand.

After a while, his mind slowly came back to her. Brent didn’t know if she was asleep or was icing him out. He thought that she was simply insecure about getting into bed with him. Most girls were, he thought. But she knew what she was doing. She was conscious of what her beauty caused. The half-assed attempts from guys in cargo shorts. The free drinks. Tired lines. She knew them all. But Brent knew she was accustomed that. He knew he was beyond that. Brent smiled when he thought of it. He imagined young men in the bars down near Playa del Carmen and up near hotspots like Cancún with their hands in their pockets walk up to her. He pictured her at the bar. By herself. He saw the rejection. Sweet, but sinister. A concrete blow in her glance. The defiance in her lips. The silence of a turned shoulder. The same shoulder that now turned so coldly away from him.

He saw the rejection. Sweet, but sinister. A concrete blow in her glance. The defiance in her lips. The silence of a turned shoulder. The same shoulder that now turned so coldly away from him.

I.

He remembered the night he met Laura. Not even a week ago. He left his room at the Hotel Laguna Bacalar and crossed the cobblestone street to have dinner at a place he had known for years. It was a simple place. Folding Coca-Cola tables, plastic chairs, thatched roof, concrete floor and a solid mahogany bar. It’s why Brent liked it. No one knew about it. It was far enough removed from the fast-paced nightlife of the coast that tourists rarely ventured to it. There were no night clubs in Bacalar. No hotel chains. No real paved roads. None of the distractions. But as Brent walked up to the restaurant he saw a girl sitting off to the side looking out over the lagoon. Her legs were crossed and she was sitting back with a beer hanging from her fingers. He noticed the dress she was wearing first. Light, white linen. The neck of  the dress dipped low on her chest. The neck of the dress was dotted with stitched flowers. Traditional Mexican decorations. Brent found it odd though, as she looked, in her face, in her cheekbones, irrevocably American. He walked up to her.

“It’s even prettier at night, don’t you think?” he said.

She turned to him quickly, but didn’t say anything for moment which made him feel odd standing there.

“What is?”

“Well, the lagoon. All the lights from docks dotting the edge, don’t you think?”

“Beautiful. It’s why I keep coming back.”

“Same here. I’ve been coming back here for years. Its quiet. Secretive. No one really knows it’s out here. Where are you from? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“From? That’s a loaded question. I’m from a lot of places. You mean where was I born, where is it I call home, my hometown? Because each of those is different.”

She paused for a moment and looked into Brent’s eyes. She took a sip of beer, uncrossed her legs and leaned on to the table. “Why don’t you sit?”

Brent sat. He watched her take a few more sips of beer and liked that her hair was down despite the heat of the night.

“But you first,” she said. “You don’t seem like the kind of guy to be here alone in such an out of the way place.”

Brent laughed. “That’s just it, though. Who the hell out here is going to bother me? Not the drunk kids up in Cancún, not lost tourists.”

“Ah, you’re like me, then.”

“But you look like the kind of girl that would get along in a place like that.”

“I do. Too much, actually. That’s where I work. In Cancún. You see, I’m a concierge at the Four Seasons up there. So I get all the pale tourists. Asking the same questions. Going the same places. Tulúm, Chichen Itzá, Cozumel. It gets old too, with all the rich kids coming down on daddy’s money.”

She seemed to trail off. As if listing her frustrations was going to offend Brent. But he enjoyed it.

“Been doing that a long time, then?”

“About six years. Came down after graduating at Miami. I had a degree in Tourism and Management. I had to do something with it. I didn’t think I could make it past the first couple of years, away from home and all, then I heard from some of the cleaning guys at the hotel that Bacalar was off the map, so I drove out here one weekend to see it.”

“By yourself?”

“No boyfriend or fiancé, if that’s what you mean. I’m not the real adventurous type of girl, but damn, after those first years, I needed some place to go. How about you, mister?”

“Not that interesting, really.”

“Oh, come on. You’re in Bacalar. How the hell did you end up here?”

“Well then, if you must know, I grew up near Cancún. My parents had a little bed and breakfast near Playa del Carmen.”

“But, you’re American, right?”

“Oh sure. Just that we came down here when I was young. Went back for college. Came back here after working four years in a cubicle. Been working in Chetumal for the last two, working with real estate developers. Golf courses, resorts, hotels.” He paused. “You must be a strong woman to come down here by yourself.”

She smiled and nodded. Then she hung her head slightly as if to take the compliment to heart.

“What do you say we have something to eat?”

“Please, Laura,” she said as she held out her hand.

Brent shook it and introduced himself. Brent ordered grilled huachinango with squeezed lime, rice, beans and a tequila. Laura asked him what was good and he suggested the ceviche. They ate dinner well into the hot night. Brent ordered more tequila and Laura ordered beers. They made small talk the whole night. Never venturing into any conversation too formal. After talking and laughing a great deal, Brent suggested they walk over to the central plaza for the carnival. It was, after all, a Sunday night, he insisted. He offered to take her to get some flan and dance with the locals while the marimba band played. Brent was excited to go, but Laura rejected the offer. She told him she loved to dance, but not with so few people and certainly not to marimbas. Instead, he offered to walk her back to her room at the hotel.

They meandered along the dusty cobblestone street talking, but only enough to keep the silence at bay. He tried to keep things light, funny, keep her smiling. When they reached her room, he bade her good night, but stood there for just a moment, waiting. Laura caught him and laughed.

“Oh no, mister. I don’t think so. I don’t even know you. I’m not that kind of girl.”

“I didn’t say a damn thing.” It was formulaic for Brent. He leaned in to kiss her and he saw her resist for a moment, but she relented and kissed him. She drew back slowly after kissing him.

“That’s it,” she said firmly.

Brent knew it too. He told her good night and walked back down the stairs to his room. Before he went in, he sat out on the railing looking out over the lagoon. He breathed in heavily and smelled the brackish salt in the air. Then, a few doors down, he saw a young lady trying to wrestle her bags into her room. Odd time to check in, he thought. She looked his way as if to say sorry for the noise. She waved to him apologetically and he waved back. Then he turned into his room and shut the door.

II.

Brent woke up the next morning around ten. Early for a Mexican breakfast. He went down to the hotel restaurant which was more like a collection of tables on a wide concrete veranda that looked over the lagoon, like every other place in the hotel. The breeze was strong and made it pleasant to sit outside. An old waiter walked up to him and asked him what he’d like for breakfast.

“Buenos días, señor, le puedo ofrecer algo para desayunar?” he said.

“Un orden de chilaquiles de pollo con huevos revueltos, si es posible, y un vaso de jugo de naranja, por favor.”

“Por supuesto. Y tortillas?”

“Tortillas de maíz, gracias.”

“Para servile, señor,” he said and shuffled off to the kitchen. He was waiter and cook.

“Breakfast of champions,” came a voice from behind him.

Brent turned around and saw Laura in a white bikini and ankle-length white skirt. Her skin shone dark brown in the sunlight. Her top may have been a size too small or she liked to show off her cleavage, like last night.

“I hope you’re hungry. I don’t know if I can finish it all,” Brent said.

“Already ate. I’m headed to the cabanas down the street to lay out in the grass. They have a dock that’s covered at the end. It’s got a hammock.”

“Is that an invitation?”

“Maybe, but you’ve got your breakfast to eat. You’re too late.”

“How about we go snorkeling later, down at the south end, if you’re up to it?”

“Maybe. Deep water scares me and some of the fish in here are huge. I can just meet you for dinner at El Recife. You know it?”

“Of course I know it.”

Laura gave him a smirk of satisfaction. She put on her sunglasses and walked past him to the stairs that led out to the cabanas. The old man came out from the kitchen and put his steaming plate on the table. Brent thanked him and turned to eat his breakfast. He took a big bite of the fresh eggs mixed with green salsa.

Brent spent the rest of the day around town. He popped into the cantina for a tequila and a beer when it was too hot to keep walking. He talked to the man behind the bar for a while. The man had owned the place for twenty years, he told Brent. He was there before the hotel, before there were the docks. Most of the people that had been there at the time were simple fishermen, he said. The town had changed too much for him. But the tourists brought in more money. He had a wife who was down the street with other wives weaving dresses. Brent asked about the tourists. Brent never saw many gringos, if any. Not all tourists are gringos, the bartender reminded him. To Brent, Bacalar still had that small town feel, but to the bartender, it was already been lost. He thanked the bartender for the drinks and walked down to the market. He bought a few hand stitched shirts, a churro, a Coca-Cola in a glass bottle and a bag full of limes to take back to the hotel for the tequila.

Back at the hotel Brent decided to take a quick swim. The sun was melting the sky with burning hues and it was still hotter than hell out. The lagoon was cool, refreshing. It stung like the ocean, but cooled like a lake. Over the years Brent could not get over the way the lagoon made him feel. Not in a cooling, physical sense, but a fluid state of mind where he forgot about everything. One of those nostalgic, distant, far-off feelings. He loved the blue hue of the lagoon. The lagoon of seven colors, the locals called it. Impossible to describe to those who hadn’t seen it, he liked to think. But the sun finally set and Brent went to change for dinner.

El Recife was a pretty upscale restaurant for Bacalar. Tablecloths, candles, real silverware, waiters who didn’t cook. A real fancy place. The restaurant sat on a limestone bluff over the lagoon. The place was dimly lit. The candles on the tables cast flickers of flame over their faces. Their table was against a varnished bamboo railing that looked out over the dark lagoon. Brent wore a guayabera he bought on a trip to La Habana. His linen pants waved softly in the breeze that came over the balcony. Laura wore a simple, red, cotton dress whose neck almost plunged to her navel. They ordered conch fritter appetizers. Had smoked marlin for dinner. Drank white wine. But for the most part they were quiet. Brent recounted in detail his excursion through the city. What he bought. Described how no one else could possibly have the same hand-stitched shirts he bought and were therefore a symbol of his knowledge of travel. He explained to her what the bartender told him and how he never thought of tourists other than gringos. It fascinated him. Laura quietly nodded as he spoke. She ate small portions from her plate, trying to make it last all dinner. She sipped slowly from her wine. She interjected a small, “oh,” or “that’s interesting,” when it was due. When Brent finished, Laura talked about her challenging day trying to stay in the sun as the palm trees created shade over her as the sun moved. Not long after she started talking Brent suggested they walk back to the hotel and watch the moon over the lagoon.

They sat quietly on the wide veranda in front of her room. There was a long wicker seat that faced the lagoon and they sat side by side. Brent casually draped his arm over her shoulders. They were warm. Laura occasionally noted a passing fruit bat or fishing boat. Then, almost without thinking, with a subtle twist of his arm, he leaned her face toward him and kissed her. She didn’t expect it but immediately pulled his head toward her. They kissed for a few minutes. Then Brent stood up and pulled her up by her shoulders. Laura pushed him toward the wall just outside her room and Brent playfully let her. She pushed him hard against the wall. She opened the door to her room and pulled him in by the arm.

III.

Nothing stood out to him. Nothing that he hadn’t experienced before. But maybe it was the wine at dinner. But at the same time it wasn’t. Somehow, he kept coming back to it. She knew what she was doing. She was great at it. Really great at it. It was sensual and slow. Something set her off when he mentioned the squeaking fan, though. Maybe his voice brought her back out to reality. Back to the hot room. Back to what they had just done. Brent lay there. Afraid to say anything. He got what he wanted. So he got out of bed naked, pulled on his pants, walked over to Laura’s side, kissed her and wished her good night. She never moved a muscle. He walked out the door and up the stairs to his room.

The girl with the bags the night before was out on the veranda. She wore a tight, short dress that showed off her curves. She looked at him. Brent felt embarrassed with the pile of clothes in his hands.

“Long night out,” he tried to explain.

“Looks like it. Didn’t know there were any clubs around here,” she joked.

Brent put on his shirt. He saw the young lady turn away from him to give him his privacy. He pulled out his key, unlocked his door and walked in. He didn’t turn on any lights. A light breeze was coming in through his window so he lay down on his bed. He rested there for a while staring out the window. He could hear the young lady humming softly outside. Brent listened for another few moments. “Why not,” he said to himself.  He got out of bed and walked out onto the balcony.

“This might sound strange, but would you like to have a glass of wine or something. I don’t mean to impose on your evening or anything,” he said to the girl.

“It’s no imposition. I’ve got a bottle of Concha y Toro here and it’s still an early night.”

Brent was surprised. He made his invitation on impulse. Out of courtesy. He never expected her to accept. Much less to offer a bottle of her own wine.

“Good choice. I’ll be right out. I have a bottle of Casillero del Diablo.”

He went into his room, changed his pants, changed his shirt and grabbed the bottle of wine and a bottle opener. When he went back out the young lady was sitting in an old equipal sofa on the wide terrace overlooking a few palms and the silent lagoon. There were no other chairs so he sat down on the far side of the sofa and placed his bottle of wine on the matching table.

“Hope you like this wine,” Brent said. “It’s from a special cellar in their vineyard. That’s about all I know.”

“That is the name, you know? Casillero del Diablo. The Devil’s cellar.” She laughed.

“I was trying to sound intelligent. Damn, you got me. I’m Brent.”

“Daniela,” she said. Her accent came out when she said her name.

“Oh, brasileira. You’re Brazilian.”

“You can tell?”

“Of  course. It’s almost like an Italian accent, but smoother, prettier and faster.”

Brent poured her a glass of wine. She thanked him, held up the glass and took a sip. Then another longer one.

“I thought I lost my accent. I guess after so many years it slips away. Except when I drink. It comes out.”

“Drink a little more then. It’s a beautiful accent. One of the prettiest, I think.”

“That’s what my fiancé always says.”

Brent coughed. “Fiancé? I haven’t seen him. I thought it was just you that checked in.”

“Well, he’s off doing his thing. We flew in to Cancún from Miami for a week for a vacation we planned months ago. Months ago. The day after we landed he told me he wanted to take a three day deep sea fishing trip. He left yesterday morning. I don’t know why I let him. I guess I thought that letting him go would show him how he was just leaving me there.”

Brent poured her another glass of wine. He filled it this time.

“That’s just ridiculous.”

“Isn’t it? I couldn’t believe it. So, I thought I would take a trip of my own. I asked around our hotel for a good place to visit, a place that was quiet, and they all said to visit Bacalar.”

“I didn’t know that many people knew about it.”

“Most don’t. But it seems like the word is leaking out.”

She took a long sip of her wine and twirled the glass by the stem. Brent picked up the bottle to offer a refill, but she waved him off.

“It’s getting late. I should get to bed. But if you have no plans for tomorrow, I was thinking of swimming in the Cenote Azul. Want to come?”

“Never been before.”

“Neither have I. It’ll be fun. It’ll be an adventure.”

Daniela stood up and brushed out her dress with her hands. Brent stood up after her. He wished her goodnight and said he would meet her around noon. They exchanged kisses on each other’s cheeks.

The next day Brent went down for breakfast a little past noon. Daniela was not there yet.  He ordered only eggs with salsa and a glass of fresh orange juice. He ate slowly. Drank the juice in small sips. Daniela was still not down from her room. Brent went down to the dock of the hotel to wait. At a quarter to two, Daniela came down to the dock. She carried a towel in one arm and a bag over her other shoulder. She wore a thin, almost sheer sarong tied around her neck and she let down her dark hair. They traded kisses. Brent asked her why she was late and she said she was always late, every day of her life.

They walked south through town. There were no sidewalks so they walked in the streets. Fruit vendors passed them, bells clanging, offering oranges, limes, bananas. The local kids pressed them to buy gum. A few old men in weathered chairs in front of a rose-colored house watched them pass then muttered among themselves. Daniela and Brent talked about travel, life, food. She told him how she made her own flan. Her fiancé didn’t like it much. So she only made enough for herself on weekends. They talked quickly and often interrupted each other to get in a better story.

After what seemed to Brent like a long time they reached the cenote. It was a deep, forbidding blue, surrounded on all sides by thick mangroves. Herons speckled the trees on the far bank. Someone, maybe a local, had made a makeshift dock over the mangroves. Daniela untied her sarong and let it fall to her feet. Her green bikini was two sizes too small. Only natural. She was a brasileira, after all. She didn’t bother to put up her hair. Brent walked to the end of the shaky dock and dove in. It was colder than he expected and not brackish. Brent wondered how he never knew about this place. Some secrets were kept better than others. Daniela dove in after him. They swam for a while. They explored the far bank. Dove as deep as they could. Joked about having their own private lagoon. Soon they were tired and climbed out and rested on the grass just past the mangroves. Palm trees shaded them. Daniela spread out her towel.

“You’ve been here for a little more than a week and you haven’t met anybody?” she said.

“Oh no. I have. I met a nice couple from Monterey—”

“That’s not what I meant. I saw you leave for dinner with that girl from the hotel.”

“Her? She was here by herself. I just thought I’d show her around town. Just to be nice, you know? Nothing more than friends.”

“I’m not judging. You two just looked very peaceful together.”

“I think you mean quiet.”

“You don’t like her?”

“It’s not that I don’t like her. Just quiet is all, she’s quiet. What about you? Have you softened up on your fiancé?”

“No. Why should I? He left me to go play with fish. Let him play with his stupid fish.”

“I don’t see how he could leave such a beautiful girl.”

Daniela smiled at him. She suggested they head back to the hotel since the sun was going down. She wrapped the sarong around her waist and they walked back. The streets were quiet. A few stray dogs lay against the wall of the hardware store. It wasn’t quite dark yet but a lone street light flickered on and was immediately swarmed by eager mosquitoes. A taco vendor was out on the street a little earlier than usual for dinner, so Brent offered Daniela some. He ordered four tacos and two Cokes. It was still hot out and the streets smelled like standing water and salt. They sat on the dusty curb and kept talking and laughing. Brent wished they could sit there all night and tell stories. He liked the way she laughed. He liked that she wasn’t afraid to walk around town in a bikini top. When they were done, they finally headed back to the hotel, but Daniela stopped short of the entrance.

“I have an idea,” she said. “Let’s take one of those old, dugout canoes onto the lagoon. It’s almost dark. It’ll be fun. Our own little adventure.”

Brent agreed. They walked around the hotel and down to the grassy shore of the lagoon. He found a large, heavy canoe tied up to a dock. He helped her in and he rowed it out into the middle of the lagoon. The sky was a dark blue and he only saw the blackened outline of Daniela’s face against it. Brent lay on his back in the bow of the canoe. His arms draped over the side. Daniela was at the stern. He felt she was looking at him. Daniela then moved slowly toward him. She rubbed his shoulders, lay down on top of him and kissed him. Brent kissed her back. He kissed the side of her neck. Then her ear. She drew back and lifted off her top. She went in and kissed him again. Brent opened his eyes in the early darkness for a moment and thought he saw her smile when their lips met. The sky went dark and the canoe drifted into the night.

Brent woke up the next morning in Daniela’s bed. Only the sheets covered them. Daniela’s back was to him so he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. She smiled. He looked at his watch. It was half past noon. He told her he was going to grab them some breakfast from downstairs. He pulled on his swim trunks and got up to leave, but Daniela called after him.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s just breakfast. My treat.”

“No, I mean, really. I need to head back today.”

“Back?”

“My fiancé comes back from his trip today and I need to pick him up at the docks in Playa del Carmen. So don’t worry about it.”

“Oh. Sure.”

Daniela said nothing but sat up in bed looking at Brent, the sheets dropped down to her hips.

“So I probably won’t see you around here again?” he said.

Daniela smiled. “No.”

Brent nodded. Daniela got out of bed and held up the sheet over her chest. She walked to Brent and looked into his eyes. She dropped the sheet and kissed him. Then she pulled back.

“I need to get dressed,” she said.

“I know.”

Brent turned and walked out the door. The sun was coming over the lagoon and was warming the red tiles on the balcony. Still wearing his swim trunks, he walked down to the restaurant for some breakfast. He sat down at a large limestone table out on the wide veranda. It wasn’t hot yet and the morning breeze was beginning to blow. The old waiter came out and took his order. He started with a large glass of grapefruit juice. He thought about Daniela. The girl was leaving. Brent thought he was making an impression on her. Maybe she’d really stay. Leave that guy standing at the docks. But he knew she wouldn’t. He just let the sun warm up the tops of his shoulders. He sat there for a while watching the sun rise over the lagoon. A few times the old waiter came out and sat with him to watch the lagoon. Then he left Brent to finish his breakfast.

“You just disappeared,” came a voice from behind him.

Brent turned around quickly and saw Laura standing there. Her eyes were swollen and red.

“Where have you been?”

“You just disappeared,” she said again. “You just left.”

“I thought you were sleeping—”

“You don’t just leave a girl alone afterwards. I thought a man of your character would know that.”

Brent shifted in his seat. “Sorry.”

“Don’t lie. You don’t care. Not one bit. And I couldn’t see past the bullshit until you left.” She paused for a moment. “God, and I was so scared. It sounds so stupid…”

“Scared? Of what?”

Laura held her breath. “Scared that I might actually like you. That I might have some sort of feeling for you. I don’t even know you. I’ve known you for a week. It sounds so stupid of me to even say anything to you now.”

“If you thought you liked me so much why were you so quiet at dinner?”

“What do two strangers talk about?”

Brent opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it. He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know.”

“God, Brent. Don’t you feel anything?”

Brent said nothing. He sat back in his chair with his hands in his lap. He didn’t look up. Laura walked around to the other side of the table and sat down.

“You play that other girl like you did me?”

Brent looked up at Laura.

“It’s all right,” she said. “I don’t know why I got my hopes up. You seemed so genuine.” Laura laughed. “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you.”

“I don’t know what you were thinking, Laura. We’re both out here, on vacation, alone. I mean, what did you expect?”

“Then just come out and say it, damn it! Say you don’t care. Say you just wanted to sleep with me.”

“You said you weren’t that kind of girl.”

“Are you really that thick, Brent? Think you’re the only one that can charm someone into bed?”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It does. You just played your part well. You were convincing.” She took a breath. “But I just had this gut feeling about you.”

Brent looked away.

“Then I saw you with her and it made sense.”

“Then why are you here? You could be miles away right now. From all this. But you’re here, talking to me.”

“Still don’t get it, do you?”

“Guess not.”

Laura looked hurt. She started to get up.

“Tell me,” he said. He tried to reach her hand.

She took a deep breath and looked out over the lagoon. “That maybe, just maybe, you did want something more.” She turned to look at Brent. Her lips were pursed.

Brent looked down at his lap and didn’t say anything. He looked up at Laura and saw her searching his eyes. Looking for a sign. A giveaway hint of feeling. But she found nothing. She turned to walk toward the hotel and paused for a moment, waiting for Brent to say something. He tried to think of something to say. Something comforting. But he couldn’t and he watched Laura walk away. He watched the way her dress blew in the salty wind. Brent turned to his breakfast but didn’t find it appetizing. He sat back in his chair and saw a fisherman standing in a canoe with a net on the lagoon. The water looked cool. It looked inviting. Maybe later he’d go for a swim. The lagoon beckoned.

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Up and runnin’!

Woo! Ok, so obviously I’m still working out a lot of details with the new site. Just got my own domain (woo!) and setting up a blog that I really enjoy. I plan on making regular posts here about everything. Everything from stories, any news on my Peace Corps stuff and a few other things.

I just graduated from Appalachian State and I’m exploring everything out there. Yes, job-hunting is a pain in the ass but it really opens your eyes to things. You realize how many jobs there are, yes they are out there, and the fact that yes it is way harder to get even the simplest jobs. I needed personal connections just to get an application in to the Jimmy John’s! But all is well. I’ll keep posting.

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